Whoever is writing radio ads in the Lansing area should be taken out back and shot:

“Behind every first date, there is a nervous young man hoping that the girl will eventually say yes to his proposal”

(From a jewelery store commercial)

-What the hell kind of first dates are they talking about? In a perfect, jewelery store world, maybe everything revolves around jewelery selling occasions like the hallmark holidays and marriage. I have to admit that I've probably never heard a jewelery store ad that I actually liked, and at least this one didn't insinuate a jewelery=sex bargain.

“If you don't stop smoking, you'll eventually die”

(From an herbal anti-smoking product ad, delivered in a dry, medical sounding manner)

-Well I suppose that means that Mormons have a lock on immortality. Just think, if I had never smoked a cigarette, I could live forever too!

“You can never have too much good, home equity related debt”

(2^nd mortgage company)

-Wait, they just encouraged people to mortgage their homes...not to buy something, but because its good to have debt, just for debt's sake? Are people that dumb? Do they sit around thinking that they might not have enough debt?