I ate my wafer...


Christmas Trees
I'm finally done with my last paper of the semester, and will be returning from internet-hibernation as of today.
I like live, fresh Christmas trees. Preferably 8-10 feet tall. Decorated with bubble lights, assorted ornaments, and no tinsel. Rather obviously, this is what my family always had when I was young, and the whole Christmas tree selection, decoration, and even disposal rituals are essential and familiar parts of the holiday season. Two brief examples:
About 10 years ago, my mother was quite ill during Christmas, such that all normal holiday preparations had been forgotten. Very much at the last moment, my dad and I drove to Bryan on December 23rd to buy a tree, and discovered that our usual tree lot was empty and closed. Driving around aimlessly, we found a gas station selling trees, only to discover that neither one of us had brought our wallets! We did, however, have a cheque book, but had no idea if the gas station normally took cheques. A brief reconnaissance did not show any signs indicating a no cheques policy, so we decided that my dad would g pay, while I loaded a tree into the car. The idea was that we would time it so that the clerk would be more likely to take the cheque because the tree was already being loaded. Unfortunately, several days before, a great deal of freezing rain and snow had been deposited on Northwest Ohio, followed by a day or two above freezing, and a drop to the low single digits. We pulled into the parking lot, parked by the trees, which were sitting in 4? iron pipes cast into the concrete. My dad went inside, I waited until I saw him approach the counter, and I stepped up to a likely looking tree. I looked back at him, waved, grabbed the tree, and...It wouldn't move. So, I quickly shuffled to the other side, yanked up hard...And discovered the icy spot. My feet slipped out from under me,on opposite sides of the tree...And I fell under it, hard...stopping myself by placing an anatomically sensitive area against the iron pipe at a high rate of speed. Of course...this happened because the freezing rain and snowmelt had filled the pipe full of water, which had turned to ice freezing the tree in place, and the once salted parking lot had refrozen at ~5F. Ironically, my Dad had just gestured out the window at me when I slipped...so the entire store got a really good look. Fortunately, the clerk was laughing hard, and accepted his cheque.
About five years ago, my parents decided that they wanted to get a very small tree, ~4 feet tall and put it on a table top. The original plan was to use a live tree, complete with roots, and plant it after Christmas. The $110 price ,combined with a predicted 50% chance of the tree surving put an end to that plan, so they shifted to looking for a small cut Christmas tree. The first lot we stopped at, my dad spotted a nice looking small tree, and started to pick it up...Unfortunately, the tree lot was located immediately next to the proprietor's house, and my was merrily trying to rip out a nicely manicured shrubbery. Without the simple visual humor, it probably isn't nearly as funny...but the mental image of my dad yanking away at it makes me laugh everytime I see a similar shrub.

Merry Christmas.


  • "stopping myself by placing an anatomically sensitive area against the iron pipe at a high rate of speed" I give a nice hearty laugh everytime I hear that story ... and your word choice makes it even better!

    By Blogger TheAmber, at 7:03 PM  

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